Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize