I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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