she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
