peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
