Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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