Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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