I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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