Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well I just put wine in my tea
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
