apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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