hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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