there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
