i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
