she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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