Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So I just went to clothing optional bar
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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