Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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