I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
