Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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