I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We need a shit load of segways right now
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
