please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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