I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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