Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
