love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
