think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
