i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize