Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
