its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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