did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
