just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
