I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
