In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
