Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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