Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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