youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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