Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
