Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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