I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I am spending my child support on dildos
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
where are my eyebrows?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
