I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
