pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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