problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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