i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
