I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
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