Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
