Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
