I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Enjoy the penises
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
