Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
