is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The feeling are messing with the penis
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
