So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
