i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
