did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
