that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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