Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
