She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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