are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
