I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
