If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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