I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
