Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
