I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Randomize