either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
my poor anus
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
