Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
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And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
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I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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