Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
