I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
