Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
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